The Things People Say

 I COULD NEVER BE A FOSTER PARENT

Don't underestimate yourself.  You have more to offer than you know!  When there are questions there are always social workers, other foster families, and medical staff if needed.  Are there days you get tired of the extra hoops you have to walk through, yes, but I'm glad there are systems in place to help us work w/ these at risk kiddos.  In the end if your in it for the kids then you don't have a lot to worry about.

AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF GETTING YOUR HEART BROKEN

Of course!  This is a hard job and the most rewarding thing I have EVER done w/ my life next to my faith.  The problem is that my heart breaks every day knowing the need that exists and there aren't enough homes for these kiddos... therefore they are left in vulnerable positions.  My heart has matured and can take whatever may come, but their hearts have been broken and they don't have a safe place or the skills to begin healing.  They get to face their abusers during visitation weekly (when their parents make it) and can't help but love them in spite of the situation.  They feel guilty for actually adapting to their foster homes like they're turning their backs on their parents.  This is just the tip of the iceberg for theses little ones.  Trust me, my heart is the least of my worries!!!!!

WHAT DO YOU TELL THEM ABOUT THEIR SITUATION

I'm honest w/ them.  I tell them what's important in a way that is age appropriate.  They know they have a "tummy mommy" and a "tummy daddy" and siblings.  They know a judge said it wasn't ok for them to live w/ their "tummy mommy and tummy daddy".  I tell them they are loved and tell them about other members of their bio-families that care about them.  What I don't do is paint their birth parents as evil and bad.  My hope is that when they get older there will come a time where they can begin a relationship w/ their bios based on healthy boundaries, forgiveness, and grace.  After all God shows His love and grace to us in a million small ways every day. 

Why Fostering

As I stated in my first blog our journey to fostering started with infertility.  It started there but infertility was only a small factor.  After 7 years of marriage and not getting pregnant naturally we were left with few options.  Option a) was pursue infertility treatment option b) was pursue adoption.  

OUR THOUGHTS ON OPTION A

-As a Christian woman I felt I would not be a steward of my marriage or body if I pursued pursued fertility treatments

 -Jeff is a very easy going man that could very easily been swallowed up by my crazy redhead personality and having my spouse swallowed up by the rigors of fertility treatments was more than I was willing to risk

-Fertility treatments could possibly bring up the need for decisions we would have morally had a lot of struggles making

OUR THOUGHTS ON OPTION B

-Fostering/Adoption is EXPENSIVE (after adopting 4 kids I officially declare that a MYTH)

-The kids in the "system" are troubled and going to take more effort and skill than Jeff and I have to offer

-We will no longer have privacy in our own home because "the state" will be all up in our business

-Every decision we make will be filtered through the "how will that impact our license" filter

-Saying no to a placement will leave us drowning in guilt 

-We are putting our emotional and physical safety at risk when we foster

-Bio-parents are crazy, dangerous, and heartless

THE REALITY

Fertility treatments just weren't for us, but that doesn't mean they aren't for someone else.  You are not required to share my feelings on the matter... In fact I hope you don't.  This is a very personal choice and you have to decide for yourself because at the end of the day your conscience is the one that matters.  

Fostering is clearly what we were intended to do.  You receive payments while the children are in foster care, so your out of pocket cost is small if at all.  Adoptions are reimbursed costing you virtually nothing and there is a program that helps cover some costs once they've been adopted (not something they exactly advertise).  All of this is just the business end of things.  The fact that I'm even discussing money matters in a public forum leaves me open to people calling me greedy.  Before you make such an assumption be cautious.  Throwing stones is never a good idea!!!!  Moving on, the kids in the foster care system are wounded on some level even the newborns, but if you were in the same position wouldn't you want someone to take you in and break down the barriers you may have placed to love you?  Privacy, well that hasn't seemed to be an issue.  In 5 years I have had 2 unannounced visits from SWs.  We do have limitations on travel with foster kids, but they are working on that.  Saying "no" to a placement is easy!!!!!  You learn what you can handle and saying "no" becomes second nature.  Most of the time you get called for a placement and one thing or another gets in the way and it becomes what we refer to in our house as a false alarm or a fire drill.  For the most part the department does ok with preserving your privacy with the parents, but you can also do things to keep your important things private.  80% of the bio parents are safe and respect the boundaries you put in place.  In fact they usually are struggling so hard a kind word from you helps lift their spirits.  Any way you handle, it any kindness you give is worth it!  

Meet The Kids

For the purposes of this blog the kids will be using their nicknames.  This preserves their privacy.  After all, this story doesn't just belong to me!  

Tot- Tot came to our home in '08 at 22mos old.  He was born 12/06.  He was our first placement and our first adoption.  He was adopted in 5/10 and has taught us so much.  His tender heart makes him the perfect oldest child.  He forgives all of our parenting mistakes and keeps tabs on ALL of his siblings!

PRINCESS P (P)- P was our first infant placement.  She was born 10/08.  She was 5 months when she came to us and it's been an adventure!  Her adoption was 10/11 and a major miracle.  I'll tell her story later!!!!  

BEB- BEB was our first newborn experience.  He was born 2/11.  I brought him home from the hospital at 5 days old after visiting him in the hospital for 3 days.  He was adopted 12/12.

TEENY- Teeny was also a newborn experience.  She was born 3/12.  We adopted her 12/13 (yes, that's 4 adoptions in 4 years). She had been born a month premature and needed more medical intervention, so I visited her in the hospital for a week before bringing her home.  She wasn't quite 6# when I brought her home... Hence the nickname Teeny.

RENNY (REN)- Ren is our most recent addition and a surprise!  She is baby sister to one of our other kiddos, our first set of siblings!  She was born 7/13, her story is still new but it's always possible that she will permanent.  That will make 5 kids in 5 years!  All sorts of crazy and all sorts of fun! 

Each of these kids have unique stories and places in our hearts and home.  We love them completely and have since our first meetings.  My heart will never be the same for loving these sweet souls... I AM FOREVER WRECKED IN A PROFOUND WAY! 

Magic Number

I love my family of seven!  The 2 parents are completely outnumbered by the 5 kids and we LOVE it!  Like many couples our journey into becoming foster parents began with the inability to get pregnant.  Most couples discuss children (genders, names, and how many) during their courtship process.  Jeff and I only dated for 4 months before we got married so we skipped a few steps.  We knew we were going to have kids, but we never discussed our MAGIC NUMBER!  

Now the MAGIC NUMBER is the number you and your spouse/partner agree is right for your family.  The MAGIC NUMBER may be different for many families.  For Jeff and I we decided to let God pick our MAGIC NUMBER.  So here we are 12 years and 5 kids later.  I wouldn't change a thing.  We have lots of love to give and a house that holds us... JUST BARELY!